Saul McGillicutty (name modified for privacy) has been declared the universe’s silliest yet most utterly profound soccer blogger, as of Sunday. Upon hearing the glorious news, McGillicutty belched loudly, declared that he knew nothing about how the sport is actually played and proceeded to enter a Dryaw pub to have drinks with his best buds.
Upon attempting to follow to gather more information, this reporter was promptly served with a yellow card, which led to an onside penalty kick (if there is such a thing), which subsequently led to a soccer ball sailing through the pub window and breaking several bottles of valuable spirits. A random stranger (later to be identified as Dave from Bros. Talking Soccer) was quoted as observing, “This blog thing, isn’t it all based on the universe surrounding a child’s animated mascot?” Dave was thereafter pulled by an equally random stranger (i.e., me) into the nearby alley, duct-taped to the brick wall and made to pay for his transgressions. And by that I mean two farthings and a plump hen.
But I digress. In earning the world title by bribing the judges with Pizza Hut stuffed-crust pizza for life, McGillicutty bested dozens of other competitors, each of which admitted with equal levels of self-defeat that there is more money to be had by shuffling nickel whores across Great Britain than there is in blogging. When asked whether the championship will continue in 2020, head judge Antonio Vargas shrugged, bounced a soccer ball on his head twelve times in succession, and yelled ‘gooooaaaaaaallllll’!!!
In the meantime, visit http://www.soccernoob.com for all the latest wisdom. Will soccer ever be the same? Will all the pizza get eaten, or will Saul call ‘that’s all’ when it comes to hitting a tall ball wall? Only time will tell.