National Cribbage Championship Leaves Players Asking Questions

A traditional cribbage board, which just sits there getting pegged without really providing many useful answers.

At the most recent tournament designed to find the best of the best at adding 31’s to 71’s to 141’s and getting runs as a result, many participants walked away scratching their heads at the terminology and design decisions involved in the classic game.

“Why nobs, and nibs too, for that matter?” asked Gloria Renquist of rural Wyoming, having driven hundreds of miles to attend the event in Atlanta, GA only to find herself far more perplexed than when she left her trailer back home. “I don’t want to be messing around with some gentleman’s nobs. And whose are they? The jacks’? And who is that Jack fellow anyway, and what is he doing running around a triple-turned scoring track?”

When contacted for further questioning, Renquist’s ex-husband Bob only lamented, “She oughta not be playin’ them high-falutin’ card games. Stick to Skip-Bo and gin rummy, and you’re set for life.” To that, the tournament’s youngest entrant, 8-year-old Ryan Zarfstrom countered, “It’s more fun poking the pegs into the board, unless they get stuck or you lose them, and then have to beg your parents to get a whole new board just to replace the pegs, because where else do you use cribbage pegs but in a cribbage board?” After running off to practice palming the five of diamonds, Zarfstrom then promptly lost a supply of sixty-four cribbage pegs in one fell swoop.

But all is not lost for these card-game aficionados, at least until you consider the case of Abram Bonner, who developed such a taste for the number 15 playing in the championship that he proceeded to fly to Las Vegas and put his entire life savings on that number via one spin of the roulette wheel. “I never could count that well,” he admitted while searching the floor and sidewalk outside the casino for leftover or unscratched lottery tickets.

Will the cribbage world ever be the same? Will anyone ever discover the baby that’s supposed to go into said crib? And to whom does that baby belong? Only time will tell.

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